Mae Hong Son is Muddy

Up in Thailand’s northwest corner, at the end of a road the t-shirts claim has 1,864 curves, is a little town of about 8,000 people. It’s hilly country, full of views and tribes.

A few of us flew there on a long weekend, looking to find fresh air and other things that are rare in Bangkok. We were the only ones on the flight.

Our guest house was also quiet. We weren’t sure what tourists do in Mae Hong Son, other than perhaps recover from their journey along the winding road.

As we strolled around town, we spotted signs for a guide service advertising “uncomfortable tours” and “bad jokes.” Soon we were riding in the back of the guy’s uncomfortable pickup truck. He pointed out some cows with huge horns. They were wearing wooden cowbells. “Why do the cows here have to wear cowbells when they walk on the road?” he asked us. None of our guesses was correct. After we gave up, he said, “because their horns don’t work.”

The guide’s twin boys came along on the tour. They looked about five or six years old. Both had shaved heads except for a topknot that hung halfway down their backs. In the old days, lots of children wore that traditional hairstyle as a way to protect the spirit in their heads, known as kwan. Now you don’t see it much. We didn’t ask the guide about the topknots, nor did he make any jokes about them. Kwan is serious stuff.

We ended up at a hot spring. Workers wearing green uniforms offered us a choice of mud mask or full body mud wrap. They painted the mud on our faces and then we washed it off after about 20 minutes. Now we are much more beautiful than we were before. No joke.